So I've been procrastinating about updating since I have pictures I need to upload, and have even more that I'd like to take. I've been trying to hold off on updating until I get those done, so I could at least post a picture or two...but it's taking so long, so I decided to update a little bit anyway.
At 30 weeks, I've gotten my first string of stretch marks. They're really tiny, not super bright yet, and all on the underside of my belly.
I'm surprised that I'm not super-devastated about it. At first I was; when I saw the first one, it was really tough. I felt like a failure. Like although I've been battling so many physical and emotional hardships throughout this pregnancy, I was at least spared stretch marks, and that was something I could be grateful for. And then one showed up. I immediately ran into the living room and wailed to Brant and Colleen about it, in tears. And I won't lie, it's been a challenge to watch each little one come into form under my belly. I've been vigorously applying 3x the stretch oils. But at the same time, I'm really coming to accept them. Now, as they come into form, I look. I run my fingers over them. I rub them. I try to accept them as who I now am.
I think it's a good (and difficult) opportunity for me to let go of some of my body images issues. They physical is not where I find the point of my life. I might be being given this as a gift and challenge, a challenge for me to let go of my attachments to a particular type of physical beauty. And I want to rise up to the challenge. I want to be that girl who wears bikinis post-baby, even though my stretch marks are out there for all to see. I want to sport my mid-drift, neither proud nor self-concious. I want it to be a non-issue. It's not about making or taking a stand, it's about it (this attachment to 'looks') being so beside the point, that it shouldn't even be a topic. The point is this baby. The point is family. The point is love being a force that transforms all manifestations of the physical anyway.
Oh I wish that I could do like you said and show my stomach and have it be a non-issue. I went to the Jakes amateur strip show last night and my friend joked about joining the show. I said, if I joined the show everyone would be traumatized. Yes, even at Jakes where all are accepted, I would be traumatic. When I was pregnant, I just kind of shrugged the stretch marks off. I knew I would get them, and knew there was no stopping it as hard as I'd try. But my postpartum stomach has been harder to "stomach". 'cause along with the stretch marks (which are really considerable. Like stripes going all the way up my stomach) my skin will just not bounce back to full elasticity. I just remind myself that I wasn't wearing bikinis before, so why should I be upset that I can't wear them now? Sigh. You are so right. It should be a non issue. Why is it an issue? I carried a human in my body!! I was a vessel!!! I'm glad to read an updated blog. And I really like your new background!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are right. I too am worried about the post pregnancy lack of elasticity...even more so than stretch marks. But then, just like you said...You WERE a vessel! And that is AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteSo...how can we make it a non issue when it is one? Do we need to first act like it's okay, then eventually it'll be okay? I'm not quite sure about that one. But that's my hope. Thanks for sharing.
Right on, Brandy! Part of me has issues with my "battle scars", but mainly, they're a non-issue for me. I was more upset about them during my pregnancy with Felicity than after she was born - I would just look at her (staring for HOURS upon hours!), and the stretch marks would fade away... perhaps not physically, but any emotional baggage I felt towards them disappeared.
ReplyDeleteLuckily, I've never been too concerned with body image, even as I've gained so much weight over the years. I know I'm healthy, and that's what's important, and so long as I can do somersaults and Eric finds me attractive, I'm happy.
I hope that it becomes a non-issue for you, as well. Motherhood really helps to put body image issues into perspective, I think... We learn to focus on healthy, rather than society's ideas of what's attractive or not.
And I love the new layout!
Brandy, you are completely right about it shouldnt be something shameful or hidden. Stretch marks are natural and beautiful. And you momma are a beautiful mommy. Your child will love to see this when he gets older. I wish that i hadn't hid with my first pregnancy. I didnt really embrass it all until mid into my second pregnancy and then by my third it was bare belly shots all the way!
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